I was caught up with a task deadline this last few days, one I thought I’d never finish. Finally, last night I completed my task – 3 days late of the deadline. During those last 3 days, I remembered You a lot: I read about You, I wrote about You, I missed You. I was desperate.
Heart Commandment (Photo credit: Will Humes)
I came across the dreaded verse again yesterday in an email devotional: “The two greatest commandments” – with a twist. It highlighted how You gave the second commandment even though the people didn’t ask for it. The question people asked was – what is the greatest commandment? You answered – loving God. Then You gave the second too – without the people asking for it. The email highlighted that it was because loving God is only complete (and comes full circle) when I love myself and I love others, and these 2 commandments cannot be separated.
Cover via Amazon
I found a very inspirational blog Father – Jumping on Clouds – and through the blog I found a person who had gone through painful things in their lives but had come out victorious through You. Someone who is both hopeful and joyful through You. Like Joyce Meyer says in her first chapter of “Battlefield of the Mind” (the book jumpingonclouds recommended to me), I used to be both hopeless and miserable. Then when I was 15 and was found by You, I became hopeful and for a time joyful. But I didn’t let go of my past. My misery and pain remained and so the scars didn’t heal completely. I didn’t let go, so You brought me face to face with it in December 2010 and more profoundly in July 2011. I’m recovering from those experiences, yes, but I haven’t yet learnt about being joyful. You keep bringing me against situations where I cannot ignore.
I started listening again to Joyce Meyer’s broadcasts from her website. In her “Intimacy with God – Part 2” she said something that really got to me: we are so caught up in asking “things” of You that we seek You for “things” but we don’t really seek You for You.
I don’t know where I go from here, Father, but like Paul said in Philippians 4:6-7, and like Joyce Meyer also said, I’m going to ask here for what I need. You. Please. I ask this in the name of Jesus, my Savior through His blood and the cross.
- Love God, Love Others (adventuresofourown.wordpress.com)
- Quiet Time (sunday-brunch.org)
We all hit bottom. Right now I feel like I am at the bottom. Do I accept defeat or do I fight back, pushing back against pressure to conform and be yourself in the process? I bounce back. As high as I can! Away from the people who want to talk you down, out of your dreams. I don’t hear them anymore. Even when it’s my near and dear loved ones. Satan attacks the mind, heart and your words through where it hurts the most.
It’s not right to shout back at your mother when she is unconsciously registering doubt in you when all you want her to have is faith. You need someone to have faith in you. But it isn’t completely necessary, because Jesus has faith in you. He had so much faith that He gave us the benefit of the doubt always and gave us free will, even when He knew we could go from bad to worse. That’s because He had faith in us. As such, we should never let the “bottom” stick us up to it but keep jumping as high as we can to get over the slump.
via Qualiaquotesforlife’s Blog
Image by jonycunha via Flickr
God values you. Hears you. Respects your call.
Pain cannot run, Not a tear drop may fall
He knows all, the unique you, you hide inside
Let not yourself die away within nor throw life aside
By grace that surpasses a Love so ardent
He understands you, your moods, all lost moments
Don’t draw blanks, for trouble’s bound, fast to appear
Dawn comes and wipes the dark away from all fear.
Let it disappear. Your pretends, your lies
You will lose pounds, feel light. Throw freedom in flight
By air, by soil. Over heaven and over all earth
God’s eye roves and brings warmth to the heart’s hearth
Image via Wikipedia
When dawn comes it brings with it renewal and hope. Things don’t look as black as they seemed during the night. You dry your tears and prepare yourself for the fight all over again and look forward to victory. At least to die trying! Why? Because, Jesus loves me still!
There is in me something that rejoices in evil and glorifies wickedness. I feel powerless against it and I’m scared. Gone are the illusions of help from the world, friends or family in my struggle. I’m truly alone. There’s me, there’s You and there’s him and You are my only refuge in the battle I know now. No one can help me but You. Or someone sent by You. I’m very afraid.
As the world celebrates Your victory over sin, death and him, I pray and ask You to look mercifully upon this wandering, disobedient child that You died for; who helped to kill You; who helped to betray You. Lazy child! Failure! Hypocrite that preaches yet does not act; stays home and avoids churches; out of work and dependent. I know You can turn me around if You choose to. In fact, only You can help me now. Please… Don’t turn away from my pain. I have turned away from eyes overflowing with pain that looked in to mine and I’m asking You to treat me different from how I’ve treated others. I don’t deserve You or Your help. But I ask all the same. Please… Teach me. Correct me! Forgive me. Please… Take me home!
Please… Take me home!
Image via Wikipedia
The pain I felt and the unhappiness I was under could be cut with a knife. That’s how hard and solid the feelings had become in my life. I yearn for a companion, on the road home, because I feel so lonely.
Today, others celebrate the Lord’s rising, while I shed tears in my room. I stayed away from the church. I don’t know whether I’m right or wrong. Good or bad. The road seems so dark. My sacrifices seem to mean nothing; my goals seem empty and my heart, void. It’s gloomy outside. The perfect curtain to my soul and it is soothing to my tear stained eyes. I don’t think I can stand this much longer. Nor can I tolerate the sunshine right now.
I know the Lord has a plan in all this, though I feel deaf and blind, right at this moment. I don’t know what the plan is and it is frustrating. All I know is that I’m lost once again and can only hope He would find me.
- When the Lord is at Work (sincerityandtruth.wordpress.com)
- Show Me the Way and I Will Be Okay (jrosejavier.wordpress.com)
- God Recognizes Our Sacrifices (pastorht.wordpress.com)
Image by Lutz-R. Frank via Flickr
I feel tired
Drained of strength
Amid the chaos
That life always brings
You wonder what happened
Over the years
To make you so weak?
Yet here you are
On your knees
Crawling, in your minds eye
Kneeling, in your heart
Hoping someone would here your call
And no more alone be
That’s a fact
Which is why you need a helping hand
One who’s been there
To give a hand
God is good, He’s almighty
That doesn’t mean
Human help is inadequate
Someone who’s gone on the road
Been all things
Seen all things
Faced the confusion and come out strong
Help me find
A human friend who can guide me by
I want to love you
As you deserve
Teach me by one follower