“A saint is never consciously a saint— a saint is consciously dependent on God.” – Oswald Chambers (



Freedom flight


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God values you. Hears you. Respects your call.
Pain cannot run, Not a tear drop may fall
He knows all, the unique you, you hide inside
Let not yourself die away within nor throw life aside

By grace that surpasses a Love so ardent
He understands you, your moods, all lost moments
Don’t draw blanks, for trouble’s bound, fast to appear
Dawn comes and wipes the dark away from all fear.

Let it disappear. Your pretends, your lies
You will lose pounds, feel light. Throw freedom in flight
By air, by soil. Over heaven and over all earth
God’s eye roves and brings warmth to the heart’s hearth

Please Give Me a Mentor!

Learning to Crawl

Image by Lutz-R. Frank via Flickr

I feel tired
Drained of strength
Amid the chaos
That life always brings

You wonder what happened
Over the years
To make you so weak?
Yet here you are
On your knees

Crawling, in your minds eye
Kneeling, in your heart
Hoping someone would here your call
And no more alone be
Any more

Life’s confusing
That’s a fact
Which is why you need a helping hand
A mentor
One who’s been there
To give a hand

God is good, He’s almighty
That doesn’t mean
Human help is inadequate
It’s needed
Someone who’s gone on the road
Been all things
Seen all things
Faced the confusion and come out strong

Please Lord
Help me find
A human friend who can guide me by
I want to love you
As you deserve
Teach me by one follower
Who’s experienced!

What’s a Rash Oath? A Study on Rashness

God's creation

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Nina woke from sleep hearing her parents’ voices arguing in the next room. Tousling her hair in sleepiness she reached for the clock to see the time. The luminous hands showed 30 minutes past midnight.

Her father was drunk again. He had promised a week before that he wouldn’t come home drunk. Nina was hurt, disappointed and angry, because she loved her father very much.

Nina’s disappointment with life had thrown her in such gloom that she was for a time seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressants. However, she had decided a week ago it was to stop taking pills. As a result, she was having trouble sleeping. Tonight, she fallen in to a natural and deep sleep after quite some time. Until she was rudely woken up! She walked over to the next room and announced with anger and rashness,

“Dad! If you won’t stop coming home drunk like this, I won’t try to sleep and I won’t eat or drink anything either!”

Saying this, she went to the lap top and turned to an online bible site to read 1 Samuel 14 which was about rashness and divine inspiration within the lives of one father and son.

When reading through the chapter and commentaries I realized further how right God’s decision was to remove Saul as king and give the throne to David. With each passing scene, Saul is becoming more and more a law unto himself, moving from bad to worse. Rash actions, bold speeches, and haughty pride don’t make a good king and these are the characteristics that are developing in Saul as he ages. The extent to which Saul was ready to go to prove a point is seen by his declaration that his own son be put to death to justify his oath: a rash and unnecessary oath that nearly had his army killed during battle.

If God knew Saul to be such a person, why did He allow him to become king? That’s one question that comes in to my mind when I think about the chapter. I know that God knows all things. God also knew what sort of a man (outward look and behaviour) the Israelites wanted when they said they wanted a king. I think this is an instance that makes the adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” true. Did God wish the Israelites to understand that what they wanted could never make a good king, through practical experience? Did God want the Israelites to SEE the difference between what THEY wanted from God and what God wanted for them: Saul and David?

I believe real bravery comes from following divine inspiration as Jonathan did. Not by running in to battle when the enemy was confused and being so impatient he couldn’t wait to see what God’s answers were to his questions. I cannot help sharing feelings of disappointment at King Saul, right along with the Israelites of the time.

What did I learn? 

According to the rash actions are prompted by ill-considered haste or boldness. Was Nina’s statement not to eat or sleep a rash oath in the class of Saul’s oath? I think it is. In Nina’s case the motive may be good: she wants her father to stop drinking and be the man God made him to be for he is a good man if not for his one weakness, but Nina’s fault was not stopping to ask God what HE would have had her do in the situation. God would probably want Nina to continue being gentle and strong, be a humble and gentle daughter but always pray and wait for the day God would heal her father Himself.

It isn’t easy or fun waiting. But this I’ve understood over time. Being a Christian means doing one of two things. You are either obeying the Lord’s will or you are waiting for the Lord’s will.

Here are some interesting pointers that caught my eye withing Matthew Henry’s commentary on the chapter:

  • “Those can never think themselves safe who see themselves out of God’s protection.”
  • “Those most indulgent to their own sins are most severe upon others; those who most disregard God’s authority, are most impatient when their own commands are slighted.”
  • “Sometimes we find most comfort in that which is least our own doing, and into which we have been led by the unexpected but well-observed turns of Divine providence.”
  • “He that made the heart, knows how to make it tremble.”


  1. 1 Samuel 14 of the NKJV Bible
  2. Matthew Henry’s commentary on 1 Samuel 14
  3. Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown commentary on 1 Samuel 14

My Own Worst Enemy

Homeless and hungry

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

For the past few months every time a loved one let me down I consoled myself saying, “It’s God and me against world!”. Now, things have changed. When I say God and myself, it signifies an equal partnership where each does what he/she is supposed to do. However, in our partnership I was constantly letting God down. What then? It’s only God, God and God. I cannot rely on myself because most times  I am my own worst enemy; I lack self discipline and will power; I break my own promises!

Right now things are very vague and cloudy. I sway between extremes, yearning towards the stability the middle of the road will bring. I want to know that even now, I am God’s and He still loves me. I don’t want Him to give up on me!  Because I have realized that I cannot rely on even myself!

Will God get tired of this way-faring, struggling little Christian? If that happens I am lost forever, because I have only Him.


Why Do I Always Fail?

View along the river in Saint Paul, Minnesota

All of us have ideals that we strive and struggle to live up to. As Christians, the pressure to maintain and overcome is heavier, because it is important to us that we live according to what Jesus teaches us; many eyes watch us.

Contradictory to my wishes, my life goes in the opposite direction, taking turns I don’t want it to take. All I see across the landscape of years in to the past are failures. My life is strewn with collapses, messes and set backs rather than spiritual victories I want to see as a Christian. Which is why, I am comforted when St. Paul says to the effect “…I do what I don’t want to do, and don’t do what I want to do!” in Romans, chapter 8.

Still more frustrating is when you realize that the mistakes that trip you up are the same mistakes, attacking you over and over again throughout the years! You expected to have learnt better than fall in the same ruts as before. Why can’t we do the things we know are right? Why is temptation so strong? And why do we always analyze after and not before?

I wish I knew the answers, but I don’t. All I know and wish to remember is that as Christians, the important things is to keep coming back to Jesus, no matter how many times we waver in our faiths. Also remember that real Christians can look like they’re not. Only God knows who the real Christians are, because only He sees the real inner us. In that we can hope despite our many failures.