Seeking God for God


Dear Father,

I was caught up with a task deadline this last few days, one I thought I’d never finish. Finally, last night I completed my task – 3 days late of the deadline. During those last 3 days, I remembered You a lot: I read about You, I wrote about You, I missed You. I was desperate.

Heart Commandment

Heart Commandment (Photo credit: Will Humes)

I came across the dreaded verse again yesterday in an email devotional: “The two greatest commandments” – with a twist. It highlighted how You gave the second commandment even though the people didn’t ask for it. The question people asked was – what is the greatest commandment? You answered – loving God. Then You gave the second too – without the people asking for it. The email highlighted that it was because loving God is only complete (and comes full circle) when I love myself and I love others, and these 2 commandments cannot be separated.

Cover of "Battlefield of the Mind: How to...

Cover via Amazon

I found a very inspirational blog Father – Jumping on Clouds – and through the blog I found a person who had gone through painful things in their lives but had come out victorious through You. Someone who is both hopeful and joyful through You. Like Joyce Meyer says in her first chapter of “Battlefield of the Mind” (the book jumpingonclouds recommended to me), I used to be both hopeless and miserable. Then when I was 15 and was found by You, I became hopeful and for a time joyful. But I didn’t let go of my past. My misery and pain remained and so the scars didn’t heal completely. I didn’t let go, so You brought me face to face with it in December 2010 and more profoundly in July 2011. I’m recovering from those experiences, yes, but I haven’t yet learnt about being joyful. You keep bringing me against situations where I cannot ignore.

I started listening again to Joyce Meyer’s broadcasts from her website. In her “Intimacy with God – Part 2” she said something that really got to me: we are so caught up in asking “things” of You that we seek You for “things” but we don’t really seek You for You.

I don’t know where I go from here, Father, but like Paul said in Philippians 4:6-7, and like Joyce Meyer also said, I’m going to ask here for what I need. You. Please. I ask this in the name of Jesus, my Savior through His blood and the cross.


Recommended Links


Success bounce (via Qualiaquotesforlife’s Blog)


We all hit bottom. Right now I feel like I am at the bottom. Do I accept defeat or do I fight back, pushing back against pressure to conform and be yourself in the process? I bounce back. As high as I can! Away from the people who want to talk you down, out of your dreams. I don’t hear them anymore. Even when it’s my near and dear loved ones. Satan attacks the mind, heart and your words through where it hurts the most.

It’s not right to shout back at your mother when she is unconsciously registering doubt in you when all you want her to have is faith. You need someone to have faith in you. But it isn’t completely necessary, because Jesus has faith in you. He had so much faith that He gave us the benefit of the doubt always and gave us free will, even when He knew we could go from bad to worse. That’s because He had faith in us. As such, we should never let the “bottom” stick us up to it but keep jumping as high as we can to get over the slump.

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” – General George PattonRead More

via Qualiaquotesforlife’s Blog

Freedom flight


Image by jonycunha via Flickr

God values you. Hears you. Respects your call.
Pain cannot run, Not a tear drop may fall
He knows all, the unique you, you hide inside
Let not yourself die away within nor throw life aside

By grace that surpasses a Love so ardent
He understands you, your moods, all lost moments
Don’t draw blanks, for trouble’s bound, fast to appear
Dawn comes and wipes the dark away from all fear.

Let it disappear. Your pretends, your lies
You will lose pounds, feel light. Throw freedom in flight
By air, by soil. Over heaven and over all earth
God’s eye roves and brings warmth to the heart’s hearth

Please Take Me Home!

love, love, love...

There is in me something that rejoices in evil and glorifies wickedness. I feel powerless against it and I’m scared. Gone are the illusions of help from the world, friends or family in my struggle. I’m truly alone. There’s me, there’s You and there’s him and You are my only refuge in the battle I know now. No one can help me but You. Or someone sent by You. I’m very afraid.

As the world celebrates Your victory over sin, death and him, I pray and ask You to look mercifully upon this wandering, disobedient child that You died for; who helped to kill You; who helped to betray You. Lazy child! Failure! Hypocrite that preaches yet does not act; stays home and avoids churches; out of work and dependent. I know You can turn me around if You choose to. In fact, only You can help me now. Please… Don’t turn away from my pain. I have turned away from eyes overflowing with pain that looked in to mine and I’m asking You to treat me different from how I’ve treated others. I don’t deserve You or Your help. But I ask all the same. Please… Teach me. Correct me! Forgive me. Please… Take me home!

Please… Take me home!

Please Give Me a Mentor!

Learning to Crawl

Image by Lutz-R. Frank via Flickr

I feel tired
Drained of strength
Amid the chaos
That life always brings

You wonder what happened
Over the years
To make you so weak?
Yet here you are
On your knees

Crawling, in your minds eye
Kneeling, in your heart
Hoping someone would here your call
And no more alone be
Any more

Life’s confusing
That’s a fact
Which is why you need a helping hand
A mentor
One who’s been there
To give a hand

God is good, He’s almighty
That doesn’t mean
Human help is inadequate
It’s needed
Someone who’s gone on the road
Been all things
Seen all things
Faced the confusion and come out strong

Please Lord
Help me find
A human friend who can guide me by
I want to love you
As you deserve
Teach me by one follower
Who’s experienced!

Who Am I?

Who am I?

Image by stevec77 via Flickr

Why is the right thing the hardest thing to do?
Why are we given the power to hurt only the people we love, when they are the people we want to spare the most?
Why are our actions the opposite of what we believe in and want to do?
And why is being good part of the straight and narrow road?

Confused and broken I ask, “Who am I?”
And You say, “You’re mine. Mine forever!”

Who am I? I’m yours!

What’s a Rash Oath? A Study on Rashness

God's creation

Image via Wikipedia

Nina woke from sleep hearing her parents’ voices arguing in the next room. Tousling her hair in sleepiness she reached for the clock to see the time. The luminous hands showed 30 minutes past midnight.

Her father was drunk again. He had promised a week before that he wouldn’t come home drunk. Nina was hurt, disappointed and angry, because she loved her father very much.

Nina’s disappointment with life had thrown her in such gloom that she was for a time seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressants. However, she had decided a week ago it was to stop taking pills. As a result, she was having trouble sleeping. Tonight, she fallen in to a natural and deep sleep after quite some time. Until she was rudely woken up! She walked over to the next room and announced with anger and rashness,

“Dad! If you won’t stop coming home drunk like this, I won’t try to sleep and I won’t eat or drink anything either!”

Saying this, she went to the lap top and turned to an online bible site to read 1 Samuel 14 which was about rashness and divine inspiration within the lives of one father and son.

When reading through the chapter and commentaries I realized further how right God’s decision was to remove Saul as king and give the throne to David. With each passing scene, Saul is becoming more and more a law unto himself, moving from bad to worse. Rash actions, bold speeches, and haughty pride don’t make a good king and these are the characteristics that are developing in Saul as he ages. The extent to which Saul was ready to go to prove a point is seen by his declaration that his own son be put to death to justify his oath: a rash and unnecessary oath that nearly had his army killed during battle.

If God knew Saul to be such a person, why did He allow him to become king? That’s one question that comes in to my mind when I think about the chapter. I know that God knows all things. God also knew what sort of a man (outward look and behaviour) the Israelites wanted when they said they wanted a king. I think this is an instance that makes the adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” true. Did God wish the Israelites to understand that what they wanted could never make a good king, through practical experience? Did God want the Israelites to SEE the difference between what THEY wanted from God and what God wanted for them: Saul and David?

I believe real bravery comes from following divine inspiration as Jonathan did. Not by running in to battle when the enemy was confused and being so impatient he couldn’t wait to see what God’s answers were to his questions. I cannot help sharing feelings of disappointment at King Saul, right along with the Israelites of the time.

What did I learn? 

According to the rash actions are prompted by ill-considered haste or boldness. Was Nina’s statement not to eat or sleep a rash oath in the class of Saul’s oath? I think it is. In Nina’s case the motive may be good: she wants her father to stop drinking and be the man God made him to be for he is a good man if not for his one weakness, but Nina’s fault was not stopping to ask God what HE would have had her do in the situation. God would probably want Nina to continue being gentle and strong, be a humble and gentle daughter but always pray and wait for the day God would heal her father Himself.

It isn’t easy or fun waiting. But this I’ve understood over time. Being a Christian means doing one of two things. You are either obeying the Lord’s will or you are waiting for the Lord’s will.

Here are some interesting pointers that caught my eye withing Matthew Henry’s commentary on the chapter:

  • “Those can never think themselves safe who see themselves out of God’s protection.”
  • “Those most indulgent to their own sins are most severe upon others; those who most disregard God’s authority, are most impatient when their own commands are slighted.”
  • “Sometimes we find most comfort in that which is least our own doing, and into which we have been led by the unexpected but well-observed turns of Divine providence.”
  • “He that made the heart, knows how to make it tremble.”


  1. 1 Samuel 14 of the NKJV Bible
  2. Matthew Henry’s commentary on 1 Samuel 14
  3. Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown commentary on 1 Samuel 14