Fallen, I’m fallen.


Not Yet Another Failure

I’ve had another fall lord. I failed and I ran.Why can’t I face the world? My eyes fill and my heart quakes. How many times am I to fail. I know this is because I didn’t take counsel of you. I leaned towards my own understanding.

I shouldn’t be surprised at this thing that I’m facing now. You told me my boundaries but I chose to go beyond them before it was time. And as a result I’m returning home a worse failure than before. Please will you take me back? Please will you let me love you and live for you again, satisfied with what you provide for me until YOU send me out…

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Why Do I Always Fail?


View along the river in Saint Paul, Minnesota

All of us have ideals that we strive and struggle to live up to. As Christians, the pressure to maintain and overcome is heavier, because it is important to us that we live according to what Jesus teaches us; many eyes watch us.

Contradictory to my wishes, my life goes in the opposite direction, taking turns I don’t want it to take. All I see across the landscape of years in to the past are failures. My life is strewn with collapses, messes and set backs rather than spiritual victories I want to see as a Christian. Which is why, I am comforted when St. Paul says to the effect “…I do what I don’t want to do, and don’t do what I want to do!” in Romans, chapter 8.

Still more frustrating is when you realize that the mistakes that trip you up are the same mistakes, attacking you over and over again throughout the years! You expected to have learnt better than fall in the same ruts as before. Why can’t we do the things we know are right? Why is temptation so strong? And why do we always analyze after and not before?

I wish I knew the answers, but I don’t. All I know and wish to remember is that as Christians, the important things is to keep coming back to Jesus, no matter how many times we waver in our faiths. Also remember that real Christians can look like they’re not. Only God knows who the real Christians are, because only He sees the real inner us. In that we can hope despite our many failures.